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Enter QUINCE, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING |
QUINCE, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING enter. |
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QUINCE
Have you sent to Bottom’s house? Is he come home yet? |
QUINCE
Have you sent anyone to Bottom’s house? Has he come home yet? |
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STARVELING
He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt he is transported. |
STARVELING
No one’s heard from him. I’m sure he’s been kidnapped. |
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FLUTE
If he come not, then the play is marred. It goes not forward. Doth it? |
FLUTE
If he doesn’t show up, the play is ruined. It won’t go on. Will it? |
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QUINCE
It is not possible. You have not a man in all Athens able to discharge Pyramus but he. |
QUINCE
No, it would be impossible. He’s the only person in Athens who can play Pyramus. |
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FLUTE
No, he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft man in Athens. |
FLUTE
Definitely. He’s quite simply the smartest working-man in Athens. |
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QUINCE
Yea, and the best person too. And he is a very paramour for a sweet voice. |
QUINCE
Yes, and the best looking too. And his voice is the paramour of sweetness. |
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FLUTE
You must say “paragon.” A “paramour” is, God bless us, a thing of naught. |
FLUTE
You mean “paragon.” A “paramour” is something bad. |
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Enter SNUG |
SNUG enters. |
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SNUG
Masters, the duke is coming from the temple, and there is two or three lords and ladies more married. If our sport had gone forward, we had all been made men. |
SNUG
The duke’s leaving the temple. Two or three more lords and ladies have been married too. If we’d been able to put on our play, we would have had it made. |
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FLUTE
O sweet bully Bottom! Thus hath he lost sixpence a day during his life. He could not have ’scaped sixpence a day. An the duke had not given him sixpence a day for playing Pyramus, I’ll be hanged. He would have deserved it. Sixpence a day in Pyramus, or nothing. |
FLUTE
Oh that great, funny guy, Bottom! He would have gotten a pension of six pence a day for his whole life. Six pence a day would’ve been forced on him. I’ll be damned if the duke wouldn’t have given him six pence a day for playing Pyramus. And he would have deserved it too. Pyramus is worth six pence a day, or it’s worth nothing! |
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Enter BOTTOM |
BOTTOM enters. |
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BOTTOM
Where are these lads? Where are these hearts? |
BOTTOM
Where are my guys? Where are my good fellows? |
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QUINCE
Bottom! O most courageous day! O most happy hour! |
QUINCE
Bottom! Oh, how wonderful to see you! Oh, what a relief! |
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BOTTOM
Masters, I am to discourse wonders—but ask me not what, for if I tell you I am no true Athenian. I will tell you everything, right as it fell out. |
BOTTOM
My friends, I’ve got some amazing things to tell you—but don’t ask me to tell you what. I swear by my Athenian citizenship that I won’t tell you anything. I’ll tell you everything exactly as it happened. |
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QUINCE
Let us hear, sweet Bottom. |
QUINCE
Tell us, Bottom. |
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BOTTOM
Not a word of me. All that I will tell you is that the duke hath dined. Get your apparel together, good strings to your beards, new ribbons to your pumps. Meet presently at the palace. Every man look o’er his part. For the short and the long is, our play is preferred. In any case, let Thisbe have clean linen. And let not him that plays the lion pair his nails, for they shall hang out for the lion’s claws. And most dear actors, eat no onions nor garlic, for we are to utter sweet breath. And I do not doubt but to hear them say, “It is a sweet comedy.” No more words. Away, go away! |
BOTTOM
No, you won’t get a word out of me. All I’ll tell you is that the duke has had dinner already. Now it’s time to get your costumes together. Find some good strings for tying on your false beards, and grab new ribbons to decorate your shoes. Meet me at the palace as soon as possible. Look over your lines again. Our play’s going to be performed for the duke! So make sure Thisbe’s wearing clean underwear, and make sure whoever’s playing the lion doesn’t cut his nails, because he needs them long to look like lion’s claws. And no one eat any onions or garlic. If we have sweet-smelling breath, I’m sure they’ll say “it’s a sweet play.” Now no more talking. Get busy, go! |
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Exeunt |
They all exit. |