As You Like It

Act 2, Scene 5

Enter AMIENS, JAQUES, and others

AMIENS, JAQUES, and others enter.

AMIENS

(sings)

Under the greenwood tree

Who loves to lie with me

And turn his merry note

Unto the sweet bird’s throat,

Come hither, come hither, come hither.

Here shall he see

No enemy

But winter and rough weather.

AMIENS

(singing)

Whoever wants to lie with me,

Under the greenwood tree,

And turn his merry song

To follow the sweet bird’s singing,

Come here, come here, come here.

Here you will find

No enemy

Besides winter and rough weather.

JAQUES

More, more, I prithee, more.

JAQUES

More, more, please, more.

AMIENS

It will make you melancholy, Monsieur Jaques.

AMIENS

It’s only going to make you sad, Monsieur Jaques.

JAQUES

I thank it. More, I prithee, more. I can suck melancholy out of a song as a weasel sucks eggs. More, I prithee, more.

JAQUES

I’m glad about that. More, please, more. I can suck sadness out of a song the way a weasel sucks eggs. More, please, more.

AMIENS

My voice is ragged. I know I cannot please you.

AMIENS

My voice is ragged. I know I won’t please you.

JAQUES

I do not desire you to please me. I do desire you to sing.

Come, more, another stanzo. Call you ’em “stanzos”?

JAQUES

I don’t want you to please me, I want you to sing. Come on, another stanza—is that what you call ’em, “stanzas”?

AMIENS

What you will, Monsieur Jaques.

AMIENS

Call them whatever you want, Monsieur Jaques.

JAQUES

Nay, I care not for their names. They owe me nothing. Will you sing?

JAQUES

Nah, I don’t care what their names are; they owe me nothing. Will you sing?

AMIENS

More at your request than to please myself.

AMIENS

Okay, but only because you want me to.

JAQUES

Well then, if ever I thank any man, I’ll thank you. But that they call “compliment” is like th’ encounter of two dog- apes. And when a man thanks me heartily, methinks I have given him a penny and he renders me the beggarly thanks. Come, sing. And you that will not, hold your tongues.

JAQUES

Well then, if I’ve ever thanked a man, I’ll thank you now. But two men complimenting each other is like two baboons getting together. Whenever a man compliments me, I feel like he’s a beggar and I just gave him a penny—an embarrassing exchange. Come on, sing—and those of you who won’t sing, shut up.

AMIENS

Well, I’ll end the song.—Sirs, cover the while; the duke will drink under this tree.—He hath been all this day to look you.

AMIENS

Well, I’ll finish the song I started.—Meanwhile, sirs, set the table. The duke will drink under this tree.—He’s been looking for you all day, you know.

JAQUES

And I have been all this day to avoid him. He is too disputable for my company. I think of as many matters as he, but I give heaven thanks and make no boast of them. Come, warble, come.

JAQUES

And I’ve been avoiding him all day. He’s too argumentative for me. I think of as many things as he does, but I just thank heaven and don’t show off about it. Come, warble for me.

EVERYONE

(singing)

Who doth ambition shun

And loves to live i’ th’ sun,

Seeking the food he eats

And pleased with what he gets,

Come hither, come hither, come hither.

Here shall he see

No enemy

But winter and rough weather.

EVERYONE

(singing)

Whoever shuns ambition

And loves to live in the sun,

Hunting the food he eats

Pleased with what he finds,

Come here, come here, come here.

Here he will findNo enemy

But winter and rough weather.

JAQUES

I’ll give you a verse to this note that I made yesterday in despite of my invention.

JAQUES

I wrote a verse to this tune, though it’s not very imaginative. I’ll give it you.

AMIENS

And I’ll sing it. (taking paper from JAQUES) Thus it goes:

If it do come to pass

That any man turn ass,

Leaving his wealth and ease

A stubborn will to please,

Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame.

Here shall he see

Gross fools as he,

An if he will come to me.

AMIENS

And I’ll sing it. (taking a paper from JAQUES) It goes like this:

(sings)

If it should come to pass

That any man turns into an ass

And leaves his wealth and ease

Simply to please his stubborn will

Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame.

Here he will see

Fools as stupid as he

If he will only come to me.

AMIENS

What’s that “ducdame”?

AMIENS

What’s that word “ducdame”?

JAQUES

’Tis a Greek invocation, to call fools into a circle. I’ll go sleep if I can. If I cannot, I’ll rail against all the first-born of Egypt.

JAQUES

It’s a Greek invocation, calling fools into a circle. I’m going to take a nap, if I can—if I can’t, I’ll curse all the first-born children of Egypt.

AMIENS

And I’ll go seek the duke. His banquet is prepared.

AMIENS

And I’ll go find the duke; his banquet is ready.

Exeunt severally

They all exit in separate directions.