The Tempest

Don’t tell me that. When the barrel’s empty, we’ll drink water. Not one drop sooner. Therefore, drink up.—Servant-monster, drink a toast to me.

“Servant monster”? What a crazy island this is. They say there are only five people on it. We’re three of them. If the other two are as loopy as we are, our country’s in bad shape.

Drink when I order you, servant-monster. Your eyes look like they’ve sunk into your head.

Where else should his eyes be, if not in his head? He’d be quite a monster if his eyes were in his tail.

My man—monster is so drunk he can’t talk. As for me, no liquid can harm me, neither booze nor the whole sea itself. Before I could get to shore, I swam thirty-five leagues in it and still survived.—Monster, you’ll be my lieutenant, or my flag-bearer.

Lieutenant is better. He’s not standing straight enough to hold a flag.

We’re not going to run in our army, Monsieur Monster.

Or walk either. You’ll just lie there like sleeping dogs and say nothing.

Monster sweetie, be a good monster and just speak once.

How is your Highness? Let me lick your shoe. (he points to TRINCULO) I’ll never serve that guy there. He’s not courageous like you.

(to CALIBAN) You’re a liar, you ignorant monster. I’m courageous. I could shake up a police officer right now. You drunken fish, you, how could you call me a coward after all the booze I’ve drunk today? Do you tell such monstrous lies because you’re half fish and half monster?

(to STEPHANO) Look how he’s making fun of me! Will you let him talk to me like, my lord?

“Lord,” he calls you? What an idiot that monster is!

(to STEPHANO) There he goes again! Please, bite him to death, I’m begging you.

Trinculo, speak politely. If you mutiny against me, I’ll hang you from the next tree. This poor monster is my subject, and I will not allow him to be insulted.

Thank you, my noble lord. Now would you please listen once again to the request I made to you earlier?

Indeed, I will. Kneel and tell me again. I’ll stand, and so will Trinculo.

(kneeling) As I told you before, I’m enslaved to a tyrant, a magician who tricked me with magic spells and took my island from me.

You lie.

(to TRINCULO) You’re the liar, you big fat monkey. I wish my courageous master would kill you. I’m not lying.

Trinculo, if you interrupt him any more, I swear I’ll knock some teeth out of your head.

I didn’t say anything.

Okay, just stay quiet. Go on.

I was telling you he used witchcraft to take this island. He stole it from me. If your highness is willing, take revenge on him for that—because I know you’re brave enough, I don’t dare to—

That’s for sure.

You’ll be lord of the island then, and I’ll be your servant.

And how would we go about doing that? Can you bring me to him?

Yes, yes, my lord. I’ll take you to where he sleeps, and you can pound a nail into his head.

You lie. You can’t do that.

What an idiot this guy is!—You’re a rotten piece of work!—I beg your highness, beat him up and take his wine bottle from him. When he loses that, he’ll be drinking salt water, since I’ll never tell him where the freshwater springs are.

Trinculo, watch out. If you interrupt this monster with one more word, I’ll beat you like a piece of salted fish.

What did I do? I didn’t do anything. I need to get away from you.

Didn’t you call him a liar?

You lie.

(to TRINCULO) Oh, I did? Take that, then. (he beats TRINCULO) If you want more beatings like that, just accuse me of lying again.

I didn’t accuse you of lying. Are you out of your mind and deaf too? Damn your wine! This is what happens when you drink too much. Your monster can go to hell, and you can too!

Ha, ha, ha!

Now go ahead and tell me the rest of your story.—Please go stand farther away.

Beat him up. After a little while, I’ll beat him too.

Stand farther away.— Come on, continue your story.

Just as I told you, he usually sleeps in the afternoon. At that time you can smash in his skull after seizing his books; or you can bash his skull with a log; or you can stab him in the belly; or cut his windpipe. Just remember to grab his books first, since without them he’s just a poor fool like me, and can’t command a single spirit. All the spirits hate him as much as I do. Be sure to burn his magic books. He has some wonderful home furnishings—that’s what he calls them—that he’ll use to decorate his house when he gets one. The most important thing for you to think about is how beautiful his daughter is. He says she has no equal. I never saw a woman except her and Sycorax, my mother. But Miranda is so much more beautiful, you can’t even compare the two.

Is she really that wonderful?

Yes, my lord. She’ll look good in your bed, and she’ll produce some fine children too.

Monster, I’ll kill this man. His daughter and I will be king and queen—God protect us!—and you and Trinculo will be our governors.—Do you like that idea, Trinculo?

Excellent.

Give me your hand. I’m sorry I hit you. But try to control your speech.

In a half an hour he’ll be asleep. Will you kill him then?

Yes, I swear.

(to himself) I’ll tell my master this.

You make me so happy. I’m full of joy. Let’s be light-hearted. Will you sing the tune you taught me just a little while ago?

I’ll do anything you ask, monster, anything reasonable.—

Come on, Trinculo, let’s sing.

(he sings)

Dismiss ’em and ziss ’em

And diss ’em and dismiss ’em.

Thought is free.

That’s not the tune I had in mind.

What’s this song?

That’s the melody, played by Nobody.

(to the invisible musician) If you’re a man, then let us see what you look like. If you’re a devil, then go to hell.

Oh, forgive all my sins!

Dead men have to pay their debts.—I challenge you!—God help us.

Are you scared?

No, monster, not me.

Don’t be scared. This island is full of noises, strange sounds and sweet melodies that make you feel good and don’t hurt anyone. Sometimes I hear a thousand twanging instruments hum at my ears, and sometimes voices that send me back to sleep even if I had just woken up—and then I dreamed of clouds opening up and dropping such riches on me that when I woke up, I cried because I wanted to dream again.

This’ll be a wonderful kingdom to live in, where they play music for free.

As soon as you kill Prospero.

That’ll happen soon enough. I remember the plan.

The sound is going away. But let’s follow it, and then do our dirty work afterward.

Lead us, monster; we’ll follow. I wish I could see this invisible drummer. He really plays well.

I’m right behind you, Stephano. Are you coming monster?