The Two Gentlemen of Verona

I need your advice, Lucetta. Kind girl, help me. And even in kind love I ask you to help me. You are my drawing board where all my thoughts can be visibly laid out and arranged. Teach me and tell me a good way I can make a journey to my loving Proteus with my honor intact.

Unfortunately, the way is exhausting and long!

A truly devoted traveler doesn’t fear crossing entire kingdoms with small steps. She who has Love’s wings to help her fly will get much less tired, especially when she makes the flight to one who so dear and of such divine perfection as Sir Proteus.

It would be better if you waited until Proteus returns.

Oh, don’t you know that his looks are food for my soul? Pity the famine I’ve endured by being without that food for so long. If you only knew the inner touch of love, you would as soon try to start a fire with snow as you would try to snuff the love’s fire with words.

I do not seek to snuff your love’s hot fire but merely want to reduce the intensity of the fire so that it doesn’t burn out of your control.

The more you try to smother the fire, the more it burns. A gentle current of water will rage turbulently if blocked, you know. But when the current isn’t hindered, it makes a sweet noise over the smooth, shiny stones, giving a gentle kiss to every blade of sedge grass that it passes over on its journey. And so it wanders past many curvy nooks as it heads playfully to the wild ocean. So let me go, and don’t hinder my course. I’ll be as patient as a gentle stream and enjoy each tiring step, until the last step has brought me to my love. There I’ll rest, just like a blessed soul rests in Elysium after a tumultuous life.

But what clothing will you wear on your journey?

I won’t dress like a woman so that I can prevent the shameless sexual advances of lustful men. Kind Lucetta, outfit me with clothing appropriate for a young man from a good family.

Well, then, your ladyship must cut your hair.

No, girl, I’ll tie it up in strange knots with silk ribbons. Fancy frills would look more appropriate on a young man who is slightly older than I’ll appear to be.

In what style, madame, should I make your pants?

Any style that won’t make men ask, “Tell me, good lord, how big around is the hoop in your hoop skirt?” Why, you should make them in whatever style you like best, Lucetta.

You’ll need to wear a cup in your crotch, madame.

Not so, Lucetta! That would be ugly.

Tight leggings, madame, won’t be much of a disguise unless you wear a cup.

Lucetta, if you love me, let me have whatever you think is the most appropriate and fitting. But tell me, girl, what will people think of me for going on such a risky journey? I’m afraid it would make others think less of me.

If that’s what you think, then stay home and don’t go.

No, I won’t stay.

Then go, and don’t worry what others might say. If Proteus is happy with your journey it doesn’t matter who’s displeased when they find out you’ve left. I’m afraid, though, that he won’t be pleased.

That is the least of my fears, Lucetta. A thousand oaths, an ocean of tears he cried, and many examples of his infinite love for me guarantee that Proteus will welcome me.

These are the tricks of deceitful men.

Crude men who use them for crude reasons! But more honest stars were in the sky when Proteus was born. He carries out what he says he will, his oaths are prophecies, his love is sincere, his thoughts are pure, his tears are honest messengers sent from his heart, and his heart is as far from lying as heaven is from earth.

I pray to God he proves to be that way when you see him!

Now, if you love me, don’t wrong him by doubting his honesty. Earn my love by loving him, and go with me right now to my bedroom to take note of what other items I need for my lovesick journey. All that I own I leave in your care, including my goods, my lands, and my reputation. Now help me leave right away. Come, don’t say anything, but let’s go immediately. I’m impatient from the delay.