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Enter Corporal NYM and Lieutenant BARDOLPH |
Corporal NYM and Lieutenant BARDOLPH enter. |
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BARDOLPH
Well met, Corporal Nym. |
BARDOLPH
Good to see you, Corporal Nym. |
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NYM
Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph. |
NYM
Good day, Lieutenant Bardolph. |
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BARDOLPH
What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet? |
BARDOLPH
Tell me, are you and Ensign Pistol friends again yet? |
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NYM
For my part, I care not. I say little, but when time shall serve, there shall be smiles; but that shall be as it may. I dare not fight, but I will wink and hold out mine iron. It is a simple one, but what though? It will toast cheese, and it will endure cold as another man’s sword will, and there’s an end. |
NYM
For my part, I really don’t care. I don’t say much, but when the time comes, we’ll smile at each other. But that’s as it may be. I won’t fight, but I can close my eyes and take a swipe with my sword—just a simple sword, but so what? It’s good enough to toast cheese, and it will survive cold as well as another man’s sword. And that’s that. |
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BARDOLPH
I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; and we’ll be all three sworn brothers to France. Let ’t be so, good Corporal Nym. |
BARDOLPH
I’ll buy you both breakfast if it will make you two friends. Then we can all three be comrades on our way to France. How about it, Corporal Nym? |
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NYM
Faith, I will live so long as I may, that’s the certain of it. And when I cannot live any longer, I will do as I may. That is my rest; that is the rendezvous of it. |
NYM
Well, I will live until I die, that’s for sure, and when I can’t live anymore, I’ll deal with it. That’s it. That’s really all I can say. |
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BARDOLPH
It is certain, corporal, that he is married to Nell Quickly, and certainly she did you wrong, for you were troth-plight to her. |
BARDOLPH
It’s true, corporal, that he is married to Nell Quickly. And it’s true that she did you wrong, since you were engaged to her. |
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NYM
I cannot tell. Things must be as they may. Men may sleep, and they may have their throats about them at that time, and some say knives have edges. It must be as it may. Though patience be a tired mare, yet she will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, I cannot tell. |
NYM
It’s not for me to say. Things are what they are. Men may sleep, and when they do they may have their throats with them, and some people say knives have blades. What must be must be, and though my patience is worn out, it will last a little longer. There must be some resolution. Well, it’s not for me to say. |
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Enter PISTOL and HOSTESS |
PISTOL and HOSTESS quickly enter. |
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BARDOLPH
Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife. Good corporal, be patient here.—How now, mine host Pistol? |
BARDOLPH
Here comes Ensign Pistol and his wife. Be cool now, corporal.—How are you, Pistol, my good host? |
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PISTOL
Base tyke, call’st thou me host? Now, by this hand, I swear, I scorn the term, Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers. |
PISTOL
You peasant dog, are you calling me a host? I swear, I scorn the word. My Nell isn’t going to be taking any lodgers. |
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HOSTESS
No, by my troth, not long, for we cannot lodge and board a dozen or fourteen gentlewomen that live honestly by the prick of their needles but it will be thought we keep a bawdy house straight. |
HOSTESS
No, not for long, that’s certain. For we couldn’t even put up a dozen or so nice girls who make an honest living sewing without our neighbors thinking we were running a brothel. |
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NYM and PISTOL draw |
NYM and PISTOL draw their swords. |
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Oh, well-a-day, Lady! If he be not hewn now, we shall see willful adultery and murder committed. |
Oh, dear. If he isn’t cut down in his tracks right now, we’ll see willful adultery and murder committed. |
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BARDOLPH
Good lieutenant, good corporal, offer nothing here. |
BARDOLPH
Good lieutenant, good corporal, don’t fight each other here. |
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NYM
Pish! |
NYM
Pish! |
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PISTOL
Pish for thee, Iceland dog, Thou prick-eared cur of Iceland! |
PISTOL
Pish to you, you mangy dog, you pointy-eared Icelandic mutt. |
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HOSTESS
Good Corporal Nym, show thy valor and put up your sword. |
HOSTESS
Corporal Nym, be a man and put away your sword. |
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NYM
Will you shog off? (to PISTOL) I would have you solus. |
NYM
Get lost, will you? (to PISTOL) I’d like to get you solus. |
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PISTOL
“Solus,” egregious dog? O viper vile, The solus in thy most marvelous face, The solus in thy teeth and in thy throat And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy, And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth! I do retort the solus in thy bowels, For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up, And flashing fire will follow. |
PISTOL
Solus, you unspeakable dog? You loathsome snake, I throw your solus in that weird face of yours, in your teeth and your throat and in your hateful lungs, and even worse, in your nasty mouth! Shove that solus into your bowels, because I can take you. My gun is cocked and ready to fire. |
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NYM
I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an humor to knock you indifferently well. If you grow foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with my rapier, as I may, in fair terms. If you would walk off, I would prick your guts a little in good terms, as I may, and that’s the humor of it. |
NYM
I am not some fiend of hell: you can’t get rid of me with spells. I’m in a mood to beat you up pretty good. If you get nasty with me, Pistol, I’ll stab you with my sword, in fair play. If you’d like to step aside with me, I’ll give you a little prick in the guts, all in fair play, if I can, and that’s the way it is. |
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PISTOL
O braggart vile and damnèd furious wight, The grave doth gape, and doting death is near. Therefore exhale. |
PISTOL
You revolting braggart and hellish creature! Your grave is gaping open, and your death is near. So take your last breath. |
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BARDOLPH
Hear me, hear me what I say: he that strikes the first stroke, I’ll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier. (draws) |
BARDOLPH
Listen, listen to what I say: whoever strikes first, I’ll run him through with my sword, as sure as I’m a soldier. (drawing his sword) |
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PISTOL
An oath of mickle might, and fury shall abate. Give me thy fist, thy forefoot to me give. Thy spirits are most tall. |
PISTOL
That’s an oath of great power, and our fury must subside. (PISTOL and NYM sheath their swords) Give me your hand—your forefoot. You have a brave spirit. |
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NYM
I will cut thy throat one time or other in fair terms, that is the humor of it. |
NYM
I’ll cut your throat, sooner or later—that’s just how it is. |
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PISTOL
Couple à gorge, that is the word. I defy thee again. O hound of Crete, think’st thou my spouse to get? No, to the spital go, And from the powd’ring tub of infamy Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid’s kind, Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse. I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly For the only she, And—pauca—there’s enough. Go to. |
PISTOL
Couple à gorge is the word for what you’re trying to say. I defy you again. You dog, do you think you’ll take my wife? No, go to the hospital, into the ward where they treat venereal disease, and get yourself a leprous, diseased prostitute like Doll Tearsheet and marry her. I won the former Mistress Quickly and I’ll keep her as my only wife, and—Damn it! That’s enough. Come on! |
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Enter the BOY |
A BOY enters. |
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BOY
Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master and your hostess. He is very sick and would to bed.—Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, and do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he’s very ill. |
BOY
My host Pistol, you must come to my master. You too, my hostess: he is very sick and should be put to bed. Bardolph, put your face between his sheets and act as a warming pan. Really, he’s very sick! |
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BARDOLPH
Away, you rogue! |
BARDOLPH
Get out of here, you punk! |
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HOSTESS
By my troth, he’ll yield the crow a pudding one of these days. The king has killed his heart. Good husband, come home presently. |
HOSTESS
I swear, he’ll be food for the crows soon. The king has broken his heart. Good husband, come home soon. |
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Exeunt HOSTESS and BOY |
HOSTESS QUICKLY and BOY exit. |
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BARDOLPH
Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to France together. Why the devil should we keep knives to cut one another’s throats? |
BARDOLPH
Come on, can I get you two to make up? We have to go to France together: why should we cut each other’s throats? |
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PISTOL
Let floods o’erswell and fiends for food howl on! |
PISTOL
Let rivers flood and fiends howl for food! |
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NYM
You’ll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting? |
NYM
Are you going to pay the eight shillings I won from you in a bet? |
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PISTOL
Base is the slave that pays. |
PISTOL
Paying debts is for peasants. |
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NYM
That now I will have—that’s the humor of it. |
NYM
I’m going to take it from you now. That’s how it is. |
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PISTOL
As manhood shall compound. Push home. |
PISTOL
We’ll see, won’t we? Do your best. |
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They draw |
They draw their swords. |
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BARDOLPH
By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I’ll kill him. By this sword, I will. |
BARDOLPH
By this sword, I’ll kill whichever one of you makes the first thrust. By this sword, I will. |
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PISTOL
“Sword” is an oath, and oaths must have their course. |
PISTOL
“By this sword” is an oath, and oaths must be kept. |
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BARDOLPH
Corporal Nym, an thou wilt be friends, be friends; an thou wilt not, why then be enemies with me too. Prithee, put up. |
BARDOLPH
Corporal Nym, if you want to be friends, be friends. If not, then you can be my enemy, too. Come on, put it away. |
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PISTOL
A noble shalt thou have, and present pay, And liquor likewise will I give to thee, And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood. I’ll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me. Is not this just? For I shall subtler be Unto the camp, and profits will accrue. Give me thy hand. |
PISTOL
I’ll give you a noble right now, and I’ll give you liquor, too, and friendship and brotherhood. I’ll live for Nym, and Nym will live for me. Is that fair? For I’ll be selling provisions to the troops, and there’ll be profits to go around. Give me your hand. |
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NYM
I shall have my noble? |
NYM
I’ll get my noble? |
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PISTOL
In cash, most justly paid. |
PISTOL
In cash. |
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NYM
Well, then, that’s the humor of ’t. |
NYM
Well, then, that’s how it is. |
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Enter HOSTESS |
HOSTESS QUICKLY enters. |
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HOSTESS
As ever you come of women, come in quickly to Sir John. Ah, poor heart, he is so shaked of a burning quotidian tertian that it is most lamentable to behold. Sweet men, come to him. |
HOSTESS
If you ever had a mother, come in quickly to Sir John. The poor thing, he is so shaken with a fever that it’s terrible to see. Sweet men, come to him. |
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NYM
The king hath run bad humors on the knight, that’s the even of it. |
NYM
The king has done him a bad turn. That’s all there is to it. |
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PISTOL
Nym, thou hast spoke the right. His heart is fracted and corroborate. |
PISTOL
Nym, what you say is true. His heart is broken and corroborate. |
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NYM
The king is a good king, but it must be as it may. He passes some humors and careers. |
NYM
The king is a good king, but things must be as they may. He has his moods and his ways. |
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PISTOL
Let us condole the knight, for, lambkins, we will live. |
PISTOL
Let us go sit with the knight; for, my little lambs, we will survive him. |
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Exeunt |
They all exit. |