King Lear

Welcome, my lord. I’m surprised my bland husband didn’t meet me on the way here.

Where’s your master?

He’s inside, ma’am, but he has changed dramatically since you last saw him. When I told him that the invading army has landed, he just smiled at me. When I told him you were on your way, he replied, “Too bad.” When I told him about Gloucester’s betrayal and his son Edmund’s loyal service, he called me an idiot and said I had it all wrong. He was delighted by the bad news and disgusted by the good news.

(to EDMUND) Then don’t come in with me. He’s a coward and can’t commit himself to doing anything risky. He chooses not to be insulted rather than challenge those who offend him. But what we talked about with longing on the way may soon come true. Edmund, go back to see my brother-in-law. Gather his soldiers and organize his troops. I plan to take charge of my household. From now on I will wear the pants, and my husband can play the housewife. We can trust Oswald to carry messages between us. If you act boldly, you will soon obey me as your true mistress. Take this as a token of my esteem. Don’t speak. Lean down. This kiss should encourage you. (she kisses EDMUND) I hope you understand me. Goodbye, and good luck.

I’m at your service until death.

My dear Gloucester!

What a man!—especially compared to my husband. Edmund, you deserve me to be your woman. There’s a fool sharing my bed now.

Ma’am, my master’s coming.

So you finally find me worthy of your attentions.

Goneril, you aren’t worth the dust the wind blows in your face. I don’t trust you. You can’t trust anyone who abuses her own father, her flesh and blood. A woman who breaks off relations with her bloodline is like a branch that tries to break away from the tree. She will wither and come to a bad end.

Oh, shut up. Your words are idiotic.

Bad people can’t appreciate wisdom or goodness. They only like things as bad as themselves. What have you two sisters done? You’re tigers, not daughters. Barbaric degenerates, you’ve driven insane a kindly old father, whom even an angry bear would treat gent-ly. Could my good brother-in-law—a man to whom the king gave half his kingdom—have allowed you to do it? If the heavens don’t punish these crimes immediately, the end will come. Human beings will become cannibals, like ravenous sea fishes.

Coward! You take everything lying down, you just turn the other cheek—you can’t even see the difference between being honored and being taken advantage of! If we punish criminals before they have a chance to commit their crimes, you’re a fool to pity them. Why aren’t you preparing for war? The French have invaded our peaceful country. Your territory is at risk, and all you can do is sit around like a preachy fool and whine, “Ah, why is he doing that?”

Look at yourself, devilish shrew! A woman deformed by hatred and rage is more horrifying than the devil!—at least the devil is supposed to look that way.

You useless fool!

Shame on you, warped hag! Your true demonic features are distorting your body. If I let myself do what I yearn to, I’d rip the flesh off your bones. But I won’t attack a woman, even if she is a demon.

I sneeze on your manhood. Ha!

What news do you bring?

Oh my lord, the Duke of Cornwall’s dead. He was killed by his servant as he about to gouge out Glouces-ter’s other eye.

Gloucester’s eyes?

A servant Gloucester had raised in his house, full of compunction, opposed the blinding and turned his sword on the Duke of Cornwall. Enraged, Cornwall attacked and killed the servant, but not without receiving his own wound, of which he later died.

There’s justice in heaven after all! That these crimes are punished so quickly is proof. But oh, poor Glou-cester! Did he lose his other eye?

He lost both, my lord.—Ma’am, this letter is from your sister, and needs an immediate answer.

(to herself) In a way I’m glad to hear that Cornwall is dead. But on the other hand, Edmund is traveling with Regan, who is now a widow. If something happens between them on the road, it would shatter my hopes of having Edmund for myself and escaping this hateful life. Still, there are benefits to having Cornwall out of the way.—I’ll read this letter and answer it.

Where was Gloucester’s son Edmund when they gouged his eyes out?

He was on his way here with your wife.

But he isn’t here now.

No, my lord. I met him going back again.

Does he know about this wicked crime?

Yes, my lord. He was the one who denounced his father. He then left the house specifically so that the punishment might be carried out without concern for their father-son bond.

Gloucester, I’ll thank you forever for the love you’ve shown the king. I’ll get revenge for what they did to your eyes.—Come here, my friend. What else you do know?