The Taming of the Shrew

Quickly and quietly, sir. The priest is already there.

We’re off, Biondello. But they may need you at home, so you go on back.

I’ll see them safely married first and then hurry back to my master’s.

I wonder why Cambio hasn’t shown up in all this time.

Here is the door, sir. This is Lucentio’s house. My father-in-law lives closer to the marketplace. That’s where I’m going now, so I’ll leave you here.

You must not go without having a drink first. I think I may presume to welcome you, and they’re probably preparing some kind of feast to welcome me.

They’re pretty busy in there. You’d better knock louder.

(as VINCENTIO) Who’s that breaking down the door?

Is Signior Lucentio at home, sir?

(as VINCENTIO) Yes, he’s at home, but he can’t be disturbed.

What if a fellow were bringing him a couple of hundred pounds to toss around?

(as VINCENTIO) Keep your hundreds. He won’t need them as long as I’m living.

(to VINCENTIO) I told you your son was popular in Padua. Hear that, sir? (to MERCHANT) Games aside, though, would you be good enough to tell Signior Lucentio that his father has arrived from Pisa and stands at the door waiting to speak with him?

(as VINCENTIO) You lie. His father is already in Padua. In fact, he’s standing right here looking out the window.

You’re his father?

(as VINCENTIO) Yes, sir—according to his mother, if I can believe her.

(to VINCENTIO) What? Why this is out and out robbery! To appropriate another man’s name.

(as VINCENTIO) Arrest the wretch. I think he means to bamboozle someone in this city while pretending to be me.

(to himself) Well, I’ve seen them married. Good luck to them! Uh-oh. What’s this? It’s my master’s father, Vincentio! Now we’re in trouble. Everything’s ruined.

(to BIONDELLO) Come here, you scoundrel.

I believe I have some choice in the matter, sir.

Come here, you wretch! What, have you forgotten me?

Forgotten you! No, sir. I could not forget you, since I never saw you before in my life.

Despicable brute! Never seen your master’s father, Vincentio?

My honorable, reverend master? Yes, of course. There he is at the window.

Is that so?

Help, help, help! This madman will murder me.

(as VINCENTIO) Help, son! Help, Signior Baptista!

What do you think, Kate, shall we hang back and see how this conflict finishes?

(as LUCENTIO) How dare you beat my servant, sir?

How dare I? How dare you, sir? Oh, cruel gods! Oh, clever villain! A silk doublet, velvet hose, a scarlet cloak, and a high-brimmed hat! Oh, I am destroyed, I am destroyed! While I sat counting my pennies at home, my son and my servant have squandered all my money at the university.

(as LUCENTIO) Heavens, what’s the matter?

What, is the man crazy?

(as LUCENTIO) Sir, you seem from your clothes to be a sober, respectable old gentleman, but your words show you to be a madman. What do you care if I wear pearls and gold? Thanks to my father, I can afford to.

Your father! Why, you scoundrel! Your father is a sailmaker in Bergamo.

You’re wrong, sir, very wrong. Why, what do you imagine his name to be?

His name! As if I wouldn’t know his name, I who brought him up ever since he was three years old. His name is Tranio.

(as VINCENTIO) Get rid of this mad fool! This is Lucentio, my only son and heir to all my lands.

Lucentio! Oh God, he’s murdered his master! Restrain him! I charge you in the Duke’s name. Oh, my son, my son! Tell me, you monster, where is my son Lucentio?

(as LUCENTIO) Call forth an officer.

Take this mad wretch to jail.—Father-in-law Baptista, will you see that he’s available to appear in court?

Take me off to jail?

Wait, officer. He mustn’t go to prison.

Be quiet, Signior Gremio. I say he shall go to prison.

Be careful, Signior Baptista, lest you be made the dupe in this business. I could swear this is the real Vincentio.

(as VINCENTIO) Can you swear to it?

Well, no, not literally.

(as LUCENTIO) Then you’d better say that I’m not Lucentio.

No, I know that you’re Signior Lucentio.

Away with the doddering fool! Take him off to jail!

Is this how strangers are treated here? You harass and abuse them?—This is unbelievable!

We’re ruined! There he is! Renounce him! Deny you know him or we’re sunk.

Pardon, dear father.

Dear son, you’re alive!

Pardon us, dear father.

Why? What have you done? Where is Lucentio?

Here is Lucentio, true son to the true Vincentio. I have made your daughter mine by marriage while false impressions blinded your eyes.

Quite the conspiracy! We’ve all been duped.

Where is that damned wretch, Tranio, who defied me in such a disgraceful manner?

Say, isn’t this the Latin master Cambio?

Cambio is transformed into Lucentio.

It was love that performed these miracles. Bianca’s love made me trade places with Tranio while he masqueraded as me around town. And now, finally, I’ve arrived happily at the blissful haven where I longed to be. What Tranio did, he did at my command. So pardon him, dear father, for my sake.

No, I’ll slit the nose of the villain who would have sent me to jail.

But sir, have you married my daughter without my consent?

Don’t worry, Baptista, you’ll be perfectly satisfied. You’ll see. Now I’m going inside to see that someone pays for this mischief.

Me too—to see how far the mischief went.

Don’t worry, Bianca. Your father won’t be angry.

So much for my hopes! Well, I’ll go in and join the others. All I can hope for now is a share of the feast.

Let’s follow them to see how this turns out.

First kiss me, Kate, and then we will.

What, here in the middle of the street?

Why not? Are you ashamed of me?

Certainly not! But I’m ashamed to kiss, sir.

All right then, back home we go. (to GRUMIO) Come, fellow, let’s be off.

No, wait. I will kiss you. (kisses him) Now please, love, stay.

Isn’t this good? Come, my sweet Kate. Better late than never—and it’s never too late to change.