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Enter LEAR, KENT disguised, and FOOL |
LEAR enters with KENT in disguise, and the FOOL. |
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LEAR
(to KENT, giving him letters) Go you before to Gloucester with these letters. Acquaint my daughter no further with anything you know than comes from her demand out of the letter. If your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you. |
LEAR
(to KENT, giving him letters) Go ahead of us and deliver these letters to the Earl of Gloucester. Answer my daughter’s questions about the letter, but don’t tell her anything else you know. If you’re not quick enough, I’ll get there before you. |
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KENT
I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered your letter. |
KENT
I won’t sleep until I’ve delivered your letter, my lord. |
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Exit KENT |
KENT exits. |
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FOOL
If a man’s brains were in ’s heels, were ’t not in danger of kibes? |
FOOL
If a man’s brain were in his feet, wouldn’t it be susceptible to frostbite? |
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LEAR
Ay, boy. |
LEAR
Yes, boy. |
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FOOL
Then, I prithee, be merry. Thy wit shall ne’er go slipshod. |
FOOL
In that case, cheer up. Your brains won’t need slippers to protect them from frostbite, since your brains aren’t in your feet—if they were you wouldn’t take this useless journey to see Regan. |
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LEAR
Ha, ha, ha! |
LEAR
Ha, ha, ha! |
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FOOL
Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly. For though she’s as like this as a crab’s like an apple, yet I can tell what I can tell. |
FOOL
Your other daughter Regan will treat you kindly, you’ll see. Even though she’s as similar to Goneril as one crabapple is like another, still… I know what I know. |
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LEAR
Why, what canst thou tell, my boy? |
LEAR
And what do you know, boy? |
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FOOL
She will taste as like this as a crab does to a crab. Thou canst tell why one’s nose stands i’ th’ middle on ’s face? |
FOOL
I know that Regan will taste just like Goneril—both of them sour crabapples. Do you know why the nose is in the middle of a person’s face? |
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LEAR
No. |
LEAR
No. |
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FOOL
Why, to keep one’s eyes of either side ’s nose, that what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into. |
FOOL
Why, to keep the eyes on the sides, so that you can see anything that you can’t sniff out. |
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LEAR
I did her wrong— |
LEAR
I was wrong to her— |
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FOOL
Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell? |
FOOL
Do you know how an oyster makes its shell? |
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LEAR
No. |
LEAR
No. |
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FOOL
Nor I neither. But I can tell why a snail has a house. |
FOOL
Me neither. But I know why a snail carries its house on its back. |
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LEAR
Why? |
LEAR
Why? |
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FOOL
Why, to put ’s head in—not to give it away to his daughters and leave his horns without a case. |
FOOL
So that he always has a roof over his head. He can’t give his house away to his daughters, leaving himself without shelter. |
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LEAR
I will forget my nature. So kind a father!—Be my horses ready? |
LEAR
I want to forget what I am. Such a kind father!—Are my horses ready? |
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FOOL
Thy asses are gone about ’em. The reason why the seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty reason. |
FOOL
Your attendant asses are getting the horses ready. There’s a nice reason why the constellation Pleiades has only seven stars in it. |
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LEAR
Because they are not eight? |
LEAR
Because it doesn’t have eight? |
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FOOL
Yes indeed. Thou wouldst make a good fool. |
FOOL
That’s right. You’d make a good fool. |
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LEAR
To take ’t again perforce— Monster ingratitude! |
LEAR
I could take back my crown by force—What outrageous ingratitude! |
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FOOL
If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I’d have thee beaten for being old before thy time. |
FOOL
If you were my fool, uncle, I’d have you beaten for getting old before your time. |
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LEAR
How’s that? |
LEAR
How’s that? |
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FOOL
Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise. |
FOOL
You’re not supposed to get old until you’re wise. |
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LEAR
O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven! I would not be mad. Keep me in temper. I would not be mad. |
LEAR
Oh, dear God, don’t let me go mad! Keep me balanced and sane. I don’t want to go mad. |
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Enter a GENTLEMAN |
A GENTLEMAN enters. |
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How now? Are the horses ready? |
So, are the horses ready? |
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GENTLEMAN
Ready, my lord. |
GENTLEMAN
They’re ready, my lord. |
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LEAR
Come, boy. |
LEAR
Come on, boy. |
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Exeunt LEAR and GENTLEMAN |
LEAR and the GENTLEMAN exit. |
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FOOL
She that’s a maid now and laughs at my departure, Shall not be a maid long unless things be cut shorter. |
FOOL
(speaking to the audience) Any girl who laughs because I’m going with the king is too foolish to remain a virgin very long. |
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Exit |
He exits. |