Much Ado About Nothing

Act 2, Scene 2

Enter DON JOHN andBORACHIO

Enter DON JOHN andBORACHIO

DON JOHN

It is so. The Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of

Leonato.

DON JOHN

It’s arranged. The Count Claudio will marry Leonato’s daughter.

BORACHIO

Yea, my lord, but I can cross it.

BORACHIO

Yes, my lord, but I can spoil it.

DON JOHN

Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be med’cinable to

me. I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes

athwart his affection ranges evenly with mine. How canst

thou cross this marriage?

DON JOHN

Any obstacle or barrier to Claudio’s happiness will be like medicine to me. I hate him so much it makes me sick, and whoever can ruin his happiness will make me happy. How will you wreck this marriage?

BORACHIO

Not honestly, my lord, but so covertly that no dishonesty

shall appear in me.

BORACHIO

I can only do it by lying, my lord, but I can do it so secretly that no one will suspect me.

DON JOHN

Show me briefly how.

DON JOHN

Quickly, tell me how.

BORACHIO

I think I told your lordship a year since how much I am in

the favor of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero.

BORACHIO

I think it was a year ago that I told you how much Margaret, Hero’s servant woman, likes me.

DON JOHN

I remember.

DON JOHN

I remember.

BORACHIO

I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, appoint her

to look out at her lady’s chamber window.

BORACHIO

I can arrange it so that at some indecent hour of the night, she looks out Hero’s bedroom window.

DON JOHN

What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?

DON JOHN

How will that kill this marriage?

BORACHIO

The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to the

Prince your brother. Spare not to tell him that he hath

wronged his honor in marrying the renowned Claudio,

whose estimation do you mightily hold up, to a

contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.

BORACHIO

That part is up to you. Go to the Prince, your brother, and tell him that he has done a terrible thing by matching the renowned Claudio—whom you greatly admire—with such a tainted whore as Hero.

DON JOHN

What proof shall I make of that?

DON JOHN

What will be my evidence?

BORACHIO

Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to undo

Hero, and kill Leonato. Look you for any other issue?

BORACHIO

Evidence enough to deceive the Prince, anger Claudio, ruin Hero, and kill Leonato. Is there anything else you wish?

DON JOHN

Only to despite them, I will endeavor anything.

DON JOHN

That’s all I want, and I’ll do anything to accomplish it.

BORACHIO

Go then, find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and the

Count Claudio alone. Tell them that you know that Hero

loves me. Intend a kind of zeal both to the Prince and

Claudio, as in love of your brother’s honor, who hath made

this match, and his friend’s reputation, who is thus like to

be cozened with the semblance of a maid, that you have

discovered thus. They will scarcely believe this without

trial. Offer them instances, which shall bear no less

likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, hear me

call Margaret “Hero,” hear Margaret term me “Claudio,”

and bring them to see this the very night before the

intended wedding, for in the meantime I will so fashion the

matter that Hero shall be absent, and there shall appear

such seeming truth of Hero’s disloyalty that jealousy shall

be called assurance and all the preparation overthrown.

BORACHIO

Find a time to speak with Don Pedro and Claudio alone. Tell them you know that Hero loves me. Pretend to be very concerned about both the Prince, who has compromised his honor by making the match, and Claudio, whose reputation will be ruined by this woman who’s pretending to be a virgin. Of course, they won’t believe you without proof. Tell them you’ve seen the two of us at Hero’s bedroom window, and then bring them to see for themselves on the night before the wedding. I’ll arrange it so that Hero is away for the night, so what they’ll actually see is Margaret and me at the window, calling each other “Hero” and “Claudio.” It’ll be such blatant evidence of Hero’s disloyalty that Claudio’s jealousy will quickly turn to certainty, and the wedding will be instantly called off.

DON JOHN

Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it in

practice. Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a

thousand ducats.

DON JOHN

Make the arrangements, and I’ll do it. Do this carefully, and I will reward you with a thousand gold coins.

BORACHIO

Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall not

shame me.

BORACHIO

If you make the accusation convincingly, then my cunning won’t fail me.

DON JOHN

I will presently go learn their day of marriage.

DON JOHN

I’ll go now to find out the date of the wedding.

Exeunt

They exit.