The Tempest

(to ALONSO) Please cheer up, sir. Like all of us, you have a good reason to be happy. The fact that we’re alive outweighs our losses. Many people every day feel the sadness we feel now. Every day some sailor’s wife, a ship’s crew, the merchant who hired the ship all experience the same loss we’ve undergone. But the miracle—the fact that we were saved—only happens to a few people out of millions. So remember that, and take comfort in it, to counterbalance our sadness.

Please say no more.

(to ANTONIO) Alonso enjoys these comforting words about as much as cold oatmeal.

(to SEBASTIAN) But the goodwill ambassador won’t give up that easily.

(to ANTONIO) Look. He’s like a clock winding up to strike the hour.

(to ALONSO) Sir—

(to ANTONIO) There he goes! Now we can tell what time it is.

If we let every sad thing that happens to us get us down, then we would find ourselves—

What a pain.

Pain, yes indeed. We would find ourselves in pain. You thought you were being funny, but you said the truth.

You’re taking it more seriously than I meant it.

(to ALONSO) Therefore, sir—

(to SEBASTIAN) God, doesn’t he ever shut up?

(to GONZALO) Please, no more.

Well, I’m nearly finished. But just one last thing—

(to ANTONIO) He insists on talking.

Hey, let’s bet. Which one will start yammering first, Gonzalo or Adrian?

The old guy.

I pick the younger one.

You’re on. What’s the prize?

A good laugh.

It’s a deal!

Though this island may appear desolate—

(to SEBASTIAN) Ha, ha, ha!

Fine, you win.

Uninhabitable and almost inaccessible, as it were—

Now he’s going to say “but”—

But—

He had to say it, it was unavoidable.

The island must be mild, and have a temperate climate.

I knew Temperance—she was a fine girl.

Yes, and she was mild too.

There’s always a breath of fresh air here.

A breath from rotten lungs, maybe.

Stinking like a swamp.

This island contains everything beneficial to life.

True. Everything except something to live on.

There’s little or nothing of that.

Look how lush and healthy the grass is! How green!

The ground is brown.

With a touch of green in it.

He doesn’t miss a thing.

No, he just gets reality completely wrong.

But the really unbelievable thing is—and this is incredible—

As most unbelievable things are.

That our clothes were drenched with sea water, but they came out looking brand-new.

Listen to him. If his clothes could talk, they’d call him a liar.

Or stuff what he says into their pockets.

Seriously, I think our clothes are as fresh now as they were the day we put them on in Africa, when we attended the marriage of the king’s daughter Claribel to the King of Tunis.

It was a lovely wedding, and we’re doing really well on our trip home.

Tunis has never had such a beautiful queen.

Not since the days of widow Dido.

Widow? Why the hell is he calling her “widow Dido”?

Next thing you know, he’ll be saying “widower Aeneas.”

“Widow Dido,” did you say? I’m not sure about that. Dido was from Carthage, not Tunis.

Tunis was Carthage, sir.

Carthage?

I’m telling you, it was Carthage.

Gonzalo is a miracle-worker. If he says Carthage was here, then Carthage must be here.

What miracle will he work next?

I think he’ll carry this island home in his pocket and give it to his son like an apple.

And then throw the seeds in the sea, to make more islands grow.

Yes indeed.

Absolutely, yes indeed.

(to ALONSO) Sir, we were saying that our clothes seem just as fresh as they did when we attended the wedding of your daughter, who’s now queen of Tunis.

The most beautiful queen they ever had.

I beg your pardon, except for the widow Dido.

Oh, except for the widow Dido? That’s right, except for the widow Dido.

Isn’t my vest just as clean and fresh as the day I put it on? In a way, I mean.

“In a way” is the right way to go.

I mean when I wore it at your daughter’s wedding.

You keep cramming words into my ears that I don’t want to hear. I wish that wedding had never happened, since I lost my son because of it, and I lost my daughter too in a way, since she’s moved so far from Milan that I’ll never see her again.—Oh, dear son of mine and heir of Naples and Milan, what strange fish has made a meal of you?

Sir, he may still be alive. I saw him swimming strongly, almost as if he was riding the waves. He treaded water and kept his head well above the wild waters coming at him, swimming with his strong arms toward the shore, which almost seemed eager to welcome him. I have no doubt he got ashore alive.

No, no, he’s dead.

Sir, you can thank yourself for this great loss, because you wouldn’t bless Europe with your daughter, but instead pimped her out to an African. At least you can be thankful that she won’t be around to remind you of your loss.

Please be quiet.

We all begged you not to go ahead with those marriage plans, and your lovely daughter struggled between disgust at marrying an African and the desire to obey you. Now I’m afraid we’ve lost your son forever. Our shipwreck has made more women widows in Milan and Naples than there are survivors to comfort them. And it’s all your fault.

And the greatest sorrow is mine too.

My lord Sebastian, even though what you say is true, your way of saying it is tactless and comes at the wrong time. You’re rubbing salt in his wounds when you should be applying bandages.

All right, I’ll stop.

Like a good doctor.

(to ALONSO) It’s bad times for all of us, sir, when you’re feeling gloomy.

Bad times?

Yes, very bad.

If I could colonize this island, my lord—

He’d cultivate weeds on it.

Or thorn-bushes.

And if I were king of it, you know what I’d do?

He wouldn’t get drunk much, since there’s no wine here.

In my kingdom I’d do everything differently from the way it’s usually done. I wouldn’t allow any commerce. There’d be no officials or administrators. There’d be no schooling or literature. There’d be no riches, no poverty, and no servants—none. No contracts or inheritance laws; no division of the land into private farms, no metal-working, agriculture, or vineyards. There’d be no work. Men would have nothing to do, and women also—but they’d be innocent and pure. There’d be no kingship—

He wants to be king in a place with no kingship.

Yes, he’s getting a bit confused.

Everything would be produced without labor, and would be shared by all. There’d be no treason, crimes, or weapons. Nature would produce its harvests in abundance, to feed my innocent people.

There’d be no marriage?

No. Everyone would have nothing to do. They’d all be whores and slackers.

I would rule so perfectly that my country would outshine the Golden Age they had in ancient times.

Long live his Majesty!

All hail Gonzalo!

(to ALONSO) Are you listening to me, sir?

Oh, please be quiet. You’re spouting empty words.

You’re absolutely right, your highness. I talked like that to give these gentlemen here a chance to have a good laugh. They love to laugh at empty words.

It’s you we were laughing at.

But from your perspective I don’t matter, so I’m just an empty nobody for you. Go ahead and laugh at my empty words some more.

Ouch, what a comeback!

He sure did. Too bad it fell flat.

You’re brave gentlemen. You’d give the moon a shove if it got stuck five weeks in its orbit.

That’s right, and then after we fixed the moon, we’d go bird-hunting.

(to GONZALO) Don’t be angry with us, my lord.

I’m not. I’ve got good judgment, and I know you’ve got nothing against me. Will you laugh me to sleep? I’m feeling very sleepy.

Go to sleep, and listen to us laughing.

What, everybody falls asleep so fast? I wish I could sleep too—it would stop me from thinking. Come to think of it, I am feeling sleepy.

In that case you should sleep. People in grief need a good sleep. It doesn’t come to them often, but when it does come they should enjoy it.

The two of us will guard you while you sleep, my lord, and keep you safe.

Thank you. I’m terribly sleepy.

How strange that they all got so sleepy!

There must be something in the air here.

So why aren’t our eyelids heavy? I’m not sleepy at all.

Me neither. I’m wide awake. They all fell asleep together, as if they’d planned it. Like they’d all been struck by lightning. What might happen, Sebastian, what might happen if—No, it’s time for me to shut up.— But still, I think I can see in your face what you ought to be. Opportunity’s knocking for you, and in my imagination I see a crown dropping onto your head.

Are you dreaming or awake?

Don’t you hear me speaking?

I do, and it sounds like you’re talking in your sleep. What did you say? It’s weird for you to be dreaming with your eyes wide open—standing, talking, moving, but sound asleep.

Good Sebastian, you’re the one who’s sleeping if you let this opportunity pass you by without acting on it.

You’re snoring, but it sounds like you’re talking. There’s meaning in your snoring.

I’m not kidding when I say this, I’m not joking around like usual. You should be serious too when you listen to what I’m saying. You can become a great man if you listen to me.

I’m hanging on every word you say.

You need to do more than hang around—you have to act. I’ll show you how.

You need to. I’m lazy by nature.

Oh, if you only knew how close to success you are, even while you make fun of what I’m telling you! The more you joke about it, the more clearly I feel how serious it is! Lazy people end up at the bottom, and you deserve to be at the top.

Please, tell me more. There’s something in your expression that tells me you have something serious to say, and you’re having a lot of difficulty saying it.

This is what I’m saying. (points at GONZALO) Although this lord who has such a bad memory—and who will be forgotten by the world when he’s dead and buried—almost succeeded in convincing the king that his son’s alive, it’s impossible that he survived. It’s as far from the truth as saying this sleeping man is swimming.

Yes, I’m sure he’s dead. I’ve got no hope that he survived.

But in that “no hope” there are great hopes for you! That “no hope” means you’re on the way to glory so brilliant you couldn’t even imagine it, no matter how ambitious you were. Do you agree that Ferdinand must have drowned?

He’s dead.

So, in that case, tell me who’s next in line to inherit the kingdom of Naples?

Claribel, his daughter.

The one who’s now Queen of Tunis, living at the edge of the world, out of reach of mail service. It takes a letter longer to reach her than it takes a baby boy to grow old enough to shave. Claribel who was the cause of our shipwreck, which a few of us survived—she was destined to give us an opportunity that we are destined to act on.

What in the world are you talking about? It’s true that my brother’s daughter is Queen of Tunis, and heir of Naples. And it’s true those two places are far apart.

So far that every foot of distance between them seems to shout, “It’s too far for Claribel to come back to Naples. Let her stay in Tunis and give Sebastian a chance to start living.” If these sleeping men were dead instead of sleeping, they’d be no worse off than they are now. There are a lot of men who can rule Naples just as well as this sleeping guy here can. There are a lot of men who babble nonsense as well as Gonzalo. I could do it myself. Oh, I wish you understood what I’m saying—you’d see how you’re missing out on a great opportunity for yourself! Do you even get what I’m saying?

I think I do.

And does this prospect of good fortune make you happy?

I remember you took the throne from your brother Prospero.

Yes I did, and look how good I look in my new role—much better than before. My brother’s servants used to be my equals. Now they work for me.

But what about your guilty conscience?

Yes. What guilty conscience? I don’t feel anything. If my feet were cold, I’d put my slippers on, but I don’t feel any pangs of guilt. If there were twenty guilty consciences between me and the dukedom, they’d melt away to nothing before they caused me any trouble. Here’s your brother sleeping, worth no more than the dirt he’s lying on. If he were as dead as he appears to be now—and I could quickly make him dead with this sword of mine—he wouldn’t stand in our way. As for the other men, we can make them believe anything we choose. They’ll set their watches to whatever time we say.

You’ll be my role model. Just as you got Milan, I’ll get Naples. Take out your sword. With one cut you can be through paying money to Naples. And as king I’ll love you forever.

You take out your sword too. When I raise my hand, you do the same, and bring it down on Gonzalo’s head.

Oh, but there’s one more thing to tell you. (he speaks quietly to ANTONIO)

(to GONZALO) With his magic powers my master can see the dangers that you are in, my friend. So he sent me to make sure these men survive—and to guarantee his plans succeed. (sings in GONZALO’s ear)

While you lie here snoring,

Men are plotting against you.

If you want to stay alive,

Wake up and beware.

Wake up, wake up!

Let’s act quickly.

(waking and seeing them) God help the king! Save him!

(waking up) Hey, what’s this, what’s going on? Wake up!

Why are your swords out? Why do you look like that?

What’s this all about?

While we were here guarding you as you slept, we heard a loud roar that sounded like bulls, or lions. Didn’t you hear it? We heard it very clearly.

I didn’t hear anything.

Oh, it was a monstrous roar, to make the earth tremble! I’m sure there was a herd of lions nearby.

Did you hear this, Gonzalo?

It’s true I heard a humming sound, a strange one, which woke me up. I shook you and shouted at you, sir. When I opened my eyes, I saw their swords out. There was a noise, that’s certainly true. We should either be on guard here constantly or move to a different camp. Let’s draw our own swords too.

Lead us away from this area. We can search for my poor son while we’re at it.

I hope those lions stay far away from him. I’m sure he’s somewhere on the island.

Get us out of here.

(to himself) My lord Prospero will know what I’ve done. So go ahead, King, and look for your son.